An English professor wrote the words:
“A woman without her man is nothing “
on the board and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
All the females in the class wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”……
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that
she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh, right up just below her
bikini line.
She also wants him to put “Happy Thanksgiving” under the turkey.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.
The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Clause with “Merry
Christmas” up on her left thigh. So the guy does it and it comes out looking
good too.
As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says,
“If you don’t mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual
tattoos on your thighs?”
She said, “I’m sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time
that there’s nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas !!!”
These are the differences between Winners and Losers:-
The Winner is always part of the answer;
The Loser is always part of the problem.
The Winner always has a solution;
The Loser always has an excuse.
The Winner says, “Let me do it for you”;
The Loser says, “That is not my job.”
The Winner sees an answer for every problem;
The Loser sees a problem for every answer.
The Winner says, “It may be difficult but it is possible”;
The Loser say, “It may be possible but it is too difficult.”
When a Winner makes a mistake, he says, “I was wrong”;
When a Loser makes a mistake, he says, “It wasn’t my fault.”
A Winner makes commitments;
A Loser makes promises.
Winners have dreams;
Losers have schemes.
Winners say, “I must do something”;
Losers say, “Something must be done.”
Winners are a part of the team;
Losers are apart from the team.
Winners see the gain;
Losers see pain.
Winners see possibilities;
Losers see problems.
Winners believe in win/win;
Losers believe for them to win someone has to lose.
Winners see the potential;
Losers see the past.
Winners are like a thermostat;
Loser are like thermometers.
Winners choose what they say;
Losers say what they choose.
Winners use hard arguments, but soft words;
Losers use soft arguments, but hard words.
Winners stand firm on values but compromise on petty things;
Losers stand firm on petty things but compromise on values.
Winners follow the philosophy of empathy: “Don’t do to others what you don’t want them to do to you”;
Losers follow the philosophy, “Do it to others before they do it to you.”
Winners make it happen;
Losers let it happen.
These are the skills only found in China:-
For his birthday little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
>His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $180,000 and your mother just lost her job. There is no way we can afford it.
>The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase.
>So he asked, “Son, where are you going?”
>Little Patrick told him, “I was walking past your room last night and heard you tell mum you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by myself with a $180,000 mortgage and no fucking bike !”
Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons
Good girls wax their floors
Bad girls wax their bikini line
Good girls blush during sex scenes in movies
Bad girls know they could do it better
Good girls think they’re not fully dressed without a strand of pearls
Bad girls think they’re fully dressed with just a strand of pearls
Good girls pack their toothbrush
Bad girls pack their diaphragms
Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it
Bad girls own only one bra and rarely use it
Good girls wear high heels to work
Bad girls wear high heels to bed
Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance
Bad girls think no place is the wrong place
Good girls say no
Bad girls say when?
Good girls go to the party, go home, then go to bed.
Bad girls go to the party, go to bed and then go home.
so, don’t play play!
Differences Between You And Your Boss
1. When you take a long time, you’re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.
2. When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.
3. When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.
4. When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative.
5. When you take a stand, you’re being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he’s being firm.
6. When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you’re being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original.
7. When you please your boss, you’re ass-kissing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he’s being co-operative.
8. When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.
9. When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.
10. When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked.
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C.Jamieson The Other Malaysia
