BHO Crap Talk... » Life

Punctuation…

bho — Sat, 23 Dec 2006 22:14:41 +0000

An English professor wrote the words:

“A woman without her man is nothing “

on the board and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”

All the females in the class wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”……

Tattoo parlor…

bho — Sat, 23 Dec 2006 22:05:17 +0000

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that
she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh, right up just below her
bikini line.

She also wants him to put “Happy Thanksgiving” under the turkey.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.

The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Clause with “Merry
Christmas” up on her left thigh. So the guy does it and it comes out looking
good too.

As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says,
“If you don’t mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual
tattoos on your thighs?”

She said, “I’m sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time
that there’s nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas !!!”

Winners Versus Losers

bho — Sat, 23 Dec 2006 21:53:50 +0000

These are the differences between Winners and Losers:-

The Winner is always part of the answer;
The Loser is always part of the problem.

The Winner always has a solution;
The Loser always has an excuse.

The Winner says, “Let me do it for you”;
The Loser says, “That is not my job.”

The Winner sees an answer for every problem;
The Loser sees a problem for every answer.

The Winner says, “It may be difficult but it is possible”;
The Loser say, “It may be possible but it is too difficult.”

When a Winner makes a mistake, he says, “I was wrong”;
When a Loser makes a mistake, he says, “It wasn’t my fault.”

A Winner makes commitments;
A Loser makes promises.

Winners have dreams;
Losers have schemes.

Winners say, “I must do something”;
Losers say, “Something must be done.”

Winners are a part of the team;
Losers are apart from the team.

Winners see the gain;
Losers see pain.

Winners see possibilities;
Losers see problems.

Winners believe in win/win;
Losers believe for them to win someone has to lose.

Winners see the potential;
Losers see the past.

Winners are like a thermostat;
Loser are like thermometers.

Winners choose what they say;
Losers say what they choose.

Winners use hard arguments, but soft words;
Losers use soft arguments, but hard words.

Winners stand firm on values but compromise on petty things;
Losers stand firm on petty things but compromise on values.

Winners follow the philosophy of empathy: “Don’t do to others what you don’t want them to do to you”;
Losers follow the philosophy, “Do it to others before they do it to you.”

Winners make it happen;
Losers let it happen.

Exceptional skills…

bho — Sat, 23 Dec 2006 21:53:15 +0000

These are the skills only found in China:-

A picture says a thousand words…

bho — Mon, 18 Dec 2006 19:13:41 +0000

Very thoughtful, ALL FOR LOVE, a picture send to me through email by none other than my lovely wife for this coming festive seasons…

(picture courtesy of KSB)

A lovely picture and I reproduce here for those who are indeed in need of love…merry christmas.

Little Patrick…

bho — Sat, 16 Dec 2006 21:38:22 +0000

For his birthday little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

>His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $180,000 and your mother just lost her job. There is no way we can afford it.

>The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase.

>So he asked, “Son, where are you going?”

>Little Patrick told him, “I was walking past your room last night and heard you tell mum you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by myself with a $180,000 mortgage and no fucking bike !”

A Good Laugh

bho — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 13:47:32 +0000

Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot

Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons

Good girls wax their floors

Bad girls wax their bikini line

Good girls blush during sex scenes in movies

Bad girls know they could do it better

Good girls think they’re not fully dressed without a strand of pearls

Bad girls think they’re fully dressed with just a strand of pearls

Good girls pack their toothbrush

Bad girls pack their diaphragms

Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it

Bad girls own only one bra and rarely use it

Good girls wear high heels to work

Bad girls wear high heels to bed

Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance

Bad girls think no place is the wrong place

Good girls say no

Bad girls say when?

Good girls go to the party, go home, then go to bed.

Bad girls go to the party, go to bed and then go home.

so, don’t play play!

Differences Between You And Your Boss

bho — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 21:54:13 +0000

Differences Between You And Your Boss

1. When you take a long time, you’re slow.
     When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.
2. When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
     When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.
3. When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
     When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.
4. When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority.
     When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative.
5. When you take a stand, you’re being pig-headed.
     When your boss does it, he’s being firm.
6. When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you’re being rude.
     When your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original.
7. When you please your boss, you’re ass-kissing.
     When your boss pleases his boss, he’s being co-operative.
8. When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.
     When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.
9. When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick.
     When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.
10. When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
     When your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked.

Why Chinese must not have Christian’s name…

bho — Wed, 13 Dec 2006 22:37:37 +0000

I received the following from the email but it would only make sense if you know the chinese dialects in bracket, hahaha…

> Anne Chang ( Mandarin )- Dirty
> Anne Chin ( Mandarin ) – Keep quiet
> Faye Chen ( Mandarin ) – Dusty
> Carl Cheng ( Hokkien ) – Buttock
> Monica Cheng ( Hokkien ) – Touching your buttocks
> Lucy Leow ( Hokkien ) – You are dead
> Jane Tan ( Mandarin ) – Frying eggs
> Suzie Leow ( Hokkien ) – Lost till death
> Henry Mah ( Mandarin ) – Hate your mum
> Corrine Tai ( Hokkien ) – Poor fellow
> Paul Chan ( Mandarin ) – Bankrupt
> Nelson Tan ( Mandarin ) – Bird laying eggs
> Leslie Tong ( Mandarin ) – Rubbish bin
> Carmen Tng ( Hokkien ) – Leg hair long
> Connie Mah ( Cantonese ) – Call your mother
> Danny See ( Hokkien ) – Squeeze you to death
> Rosie Teng ( Hokkien ) – Screws and nails
> Pete Tsai ( Hokkien ) – Nose droppings
> Macy Koh ( Cantonese) – Never die before

Count our blessings

bho — Wed, 13 Dec 2006 22:16:50 +0000

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who won’t survive the week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 20 million people around the world.

If you attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death, you are more blessed than almost three billion people in the world.

If you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish some place, you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy.

If your parents are still married and alive, you are very rare.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful, you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

If you can hold someone’s hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder, you are blessed because you can offer God’s healing touch.

If you can read this message, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read anything at all.

You are so blessed in ways you may never even know.

This blessing will only keep working if it is continuously passed around. If you are a recipient of a blessing, keep the blessing working by being the source of blessing to other people.